


Panic Attack

by fuchsverse



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Panic Attacks, Poetry, Sad Hasegawa Langa, angsty hasegawa langa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 22:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30079020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuchsverse/pseuds/fuchsverse
Summary: He loved him; loved him so much. Could never say it, but wanted to dare. Langa. Reki. The world, the universe and everything beyond. [The author is emotionally destroyed and trying to process episode nine. Doesn't work. Shit.]
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Panic Attack

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Panikattacke](https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078930) by [fuchsverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuchsverse/pseuds/fuchsverse). 



> Translating this text was really hard and I think a lot got lost from German to English, ugh.
> 
> Note: The pitiful attempt to give space to my emotions after episode nine. For me it felt like dying, something is broken. A farce, it’s all a farce! Ugh.  
> The text is linguistically different from a „normal“ short story. Emotionality always ends up in such constructs for me. Not sorry.  
> Where the piece begins?: Langa, apparently still searching for Reki, but clearly less easy-going than in the anime. [he is more like me at the time of the episode].

**Panic Attack**

_Rationally speaking, the human species was the strangest thing Mother Earth had ever created._   
_What God pulled out of a hat at the Sunday chess game with Lucifer like a magician the rabbit._

Langa felt like he was suffocating. No matter how many breaths he took, _there was not nearly enough oxygen in the air._ It wasn’t enough to nourish the roots of himself and welcome spring. Spring meant life; _meant the beginning of time and that far and wide._ _Love and light, that was all it took._  
He, on the other hand, crept slowly along the stone wall, trapped in the eternal ice. His hand clutched at his clammy pullover and it looked as if he would vomit at any moment. What was crawling up his throat there was not rainbows nor fairy dust. No.  
  


_It was this rotten heart,_   
_With a lot of pain_   
_It brought lies and deceit,_   
_He wasn’t feeling good._

_Who needed rationality?_   
_Not humans._   
_Humans had hearts.  
  
_

Desperately, the rookie beat his chest, trying to give life and thus nourish his mendacious heart. _He felt betrayed, lied to, seen through and no longer trustworthy to himself._  
How on earth should he save what was breaking if he perished here?  
„Breathe...,“ the boy managed only a pitiful croak and just at that moment he was sure he was suffocating, „Please...“  
Hasegawa intended to shout, even scream. For _him_. Yes, Langa trusted that he would escape that swelling panic attack if only _he_ would be at his side.   
  


_The two of them and the broken board._   
_Just them and this abandoned place._   
_Heartland.  
  
_

The salty oceans behind his eyes burned as if he had washed them out with soap. _Oxygen._ He needed it so badly and yet he couldn’t manage it. Sounded more like the _broken Teletubbies hoover_ by now and felt cold sweat on his forehead. There was nausea in his little toe, dizziness in his head and legs that finally gave up. The boy crashed to the ground, while the first tears welled up in his eyes and his heart danced on his tongue. _Tango._ He would die. At this very moment. His mother would lose her second great love and Reki would never know how he had felt.   
_For him._

_  
Who needed snow when it was nothing but deadly volcanic ash?_   
_Mournful tears from the sky._   
_He didn’t need snow, not this broken board ..._   
_nothing in that place of disaster.  
  
_

_Reki._  
His hand spasmed and he tried to swallow, to push the foul heart back into his chest. Saw no other way but to keep moving, _at least a teeny bit._  
 _Reki._  
Again Langa beat his chest and whimpered in despair.  
  


_Didn’t want to know about rotten hearts_   
_And grotesque pains._   
_Wanted to see him, not fade away._   
_Wanted to talk of darkness and light,_   
_That’s all he knew._   
_Didn’t even know what light was in the first place -_   
_and how a human being articulated despair._   
  


He was exhausted, completely worn out and his body no longer obeyed. The foul heart rumbled back in his throat and it seemed so clear to him that there was no room to breathe. There had never been room for breathing when you threw up. One choked on oneself, balanced on the edge of the world.   
„ _Oops, who do we have here?_ “, Langa’s vision went black as he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  


_He felt life and death touching him at the same time._   
_Reki?  
  
_

„ _Breathing..._ “, he was shaking uncontrollably.   
  


_Afraid of suffocating_   
_and never look into this eyes again._   
_Still wanted to say so much,_   
_dare to do all those crazy things with him._   
  


Had he found him? Had searched for him, yes _him_ alone? Hasegawa hoped so, would not be able to bear the rotten heart and the avalanche of snow inside of him for much longer.  
With the greatest effort, he turned his head, hardly noticeably.

  
_Who needed snow when it was only deadly volcanic ash?_   
_Mournful tears from the sky._

„ADAM.“


End file.
